Verboticism: Numericearpatter

'Please listen carefully as our menu has recently changed...'

DEFINITION: v. To call a phone "help line" and spend 45 minutes pushing buttons and screaming at dumb voice-recognition system, before being automatically disconnected. n. A push-button or voice-activated phone menu system designed to irritate those who use it.

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Numericearpatter

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Automaddening

Created by: Mustang

Pronunciation: ah-toh-MAD-ning

Sentence: The more Lance fiddled with the automated answering service at the hospital the more automaddening it became, with him eventually tossing his cell phone on the floor and heading out to the hospital in his car knowing it would likely be faster.

Etymology: Blend of 'automated' and 'maddening'.

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COMMENTS:

Who needs bureaucracy when you have automaddening answering services to drive you insane? - dochanne, 2009-05-20: 23:29:00

Automaddening is so much quicker than doing it manually... - Nosila, 2009-05-20: 23:34:00

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Presstwosterloop

Created by: diyan627

Pronunciation: press two ster loop

Sentence: Tina spent an hour and forty-five minutes on the most insane, frustrating presstwosterloop scam her cell phone company is putting customers through. After explaining her situation to 7 representatives, they still owed her $350 for the "promotional phone" she got 4 months ago. The presstwosterloop didn't stop her ... She finally hung up and drove down to the store where she raised a ruckus until the manager got her problem taken care of. Or so he said.

Etymology: Press two (ah, the options!) + ster (one that is associated with, participates, does) + loop (circular action)

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Autohated

artr

Created by: artr

Pronunciation: aw-tuh-heyt-ed

Sentence: After receiving hundreds of complaints about uneven treatment by customer-service reps - helpful and cordial one day, rude and uncaring the next - company executives decided that the only way to be fair and treat the entire public the same was to install an autohated voice mail system that would frustrate and hang up on everyone equally. They seem happy that the call volume has dropped dramatically.

Etymology: automated (to operate or control with a minimum of human interaction)+ hated (the object of extreme aversion or hostility)

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Oblivicurse

Created by: pieceof314

Pronunciation: uh-bliv-eh-kers

Sentence: Jonesy had a secret life. Under the happy facade or bubbliness and congeniality, she was really a curmudgeon and a misanthrope. She was a call center operator script engineer. She was responsible for the impossible recursive loop design that would often frustrate callers. With each possible combination, she would oblivicurse the respondant with a multitude of irrelavent, ambiguous and time consuming questions that would often lead the person back to the beginning. With this, she would sit down and smile darkly.

Etymology: Oblivion + Curse

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COMMENTS:

Like that one, pieceof314...I just knew those IT types belonged to convens and every company has them! - Nosila, 2008-04-14: 19:43:00

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Numericearpatter

petaj

Created by: petaj

Pronunciation: new-merrik-kear-patter

Sentence: Paula's digit was sore from depressing numbers on her phone, but she found the numericearpatter even more distressing with that recorded voice droning on about options, menus and numbers and how much her call was valued. In a fit of pique she mashed down on the entire keypad thereby forfeiting her 17th place in the queue.

Etymology: numeric keypad + ear + patter

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Vexmail

Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: veks mayl

Sentence: When Bruce tried calling the phone company to extend the minutes on his phone, he had to go through no less than 20 prompts of vexmail to reach the person he needed. By that point the call was moot because he had stomped his phone in an act of cellacide and put it into receivership.

Etymology: Vex (irritate, annoy) & Voicemail (automated phone message system)

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Hapline

youmustvotenato

Created by: youmustvotenato

Pronunciation: hap-line

Sentence: I called up customer service trying to resolve my issue. Navigating the Indo-audio maze, I eventually surrendered to the hapline and just hung up.

Etymology: hapless- ill fated + helpline- customer service via phone

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Helpwhine

artr

Created by: artr

Pronunciation: helpwīn

Sentence: Most every company has some version of a helpwhine. If you can push the right buttons, you are allowed to vent your frustrations to somebody who may or may not care what you have to say — somebody who may or may not speak discernible English. This assumes that you are ever able to find that lone human in the maze of options. ”Your Call is very important to... click”.

Etymology: help (assist) + whine (a feeble or petulant complaint)

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COMMENTS:

Dead on! - catgrin, 2010-06-21: 05:49:00

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