Verboticisms

Created by: OZZIEBOB

Pronunciation: JES-ter-Sh-muhk

Sentence: Bob, who was keen to impress the boss's daughter, fancied himself as a comedian. Sadly his jokes, which always had a yiddish flavour, were bad; in fact, they were worse than that, they were terrible. So terrible that at his looming others literally went scurrying out of the way, sometimes running into one another. "Good yontiff, pontiff," he would call to his Catholic compadres at Easter or Christmas. And coming upon the local rabbi, seated at the time, he golemically gurgled: "Did you hear about the Jewish art collector, who became a Christian? He exchanged his Rubens -for a Goya..!" So taken back was the poor man that he almost tipped over backwards off his chair. Finally there was agreement between friend and foe alike, that this schlemiel needed, figuratively, a "frosk in the pisk.' Calling him in for a chat, Roxie said, "You are not here today because we think your yiddish humour is funny. We think it's time for you to make a change." Bob paused, and let the gravity of the situation sink in. "Friends," he said, with a hint of a smile; yes, true, it's time for me to move to a deeper understanding of the art of comedy than I have ever known before. Suddenly, quick as a flash, and without warning, he came forth with, " Confucuis say: If at filst you don't succeed - mally the boss's daughter." Roxie was shocked as anyone, and all there began to speak amongst themselves. Cringing in the expectation of more jokes, Roxie exclaimed, "Perhaps, there just so much more to learn about him; what is he: a yold, a yekel or jestershmuck?"

Etymology: JESTER:clown, joker, comedian & SHMUCK -from Yiddish:dope, bore, jerk, bumbler. YONTIF: Holiday, celebration, festivity. GOLEM: fool, simpleton, graceless.GOY:Gentile. SCHMIEL:fool, social misfit. FROSK IN THE PRISK:slap in the face. YOLD, dolt. YEKEL:sucker.

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COMMENTS:

Schmuck, a Yiddish word, has a range of meaning depending on context. In its most innocuous use, a schmuck is a person who does a stupid thing, in which case "dumb schmuck" is the appropriate expression. A schmuck's behavior ranges from pesky and inconsiderate, to obnoxious and manipulative. A schmuck's personality type ranges from jerk to bastard. Schmucky behavior also falls within a range of intentionality. Some schmucks carefully plan their bad behavior, some only a little, and some not at all. For example, the bastard may spend considerable time planning his bad deeds. In contrast, the dumb schmuck and the pesky behave badly without any forethought. - OZZIEBOB, 2008-04-01: 00:51:00

you're such a mensch, OB. - stache, 2008-04-01: 09:27:00

Oy, from your lips to God's ears! Who knew? I get geschnecktigezoik just reading the story! - Nosila, 2008-04-01: 22:29:00

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Created by: artr

Pronunciation: hələrēəsôlt

Sentence: Mel finds himself very funny. His friends think his humor is rather droll. Most consider his long-winded anecdotes to be hilariassault.

Etymology: hilarious (extremely amusing) + assault (make a physical attack on)

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: murth werm

Sentence: Darryl was a mirthworm. He was the office geek, allegedly hired to fix all the computer & communications equipment problems. This meant he had a lot of time on his hands. And everyone knows that idol hands are the Devil's workshop. He wasted his days bothering people by sending them or telling them jokes that only he found funny. Every April Fool's Day, he could be counted on to author tasteless jokes and tricks at the expense of his fellow workers. Like when he had everyone tie plastic baggies around their telephones, because the phone company would be blowing air through the waves to clean out dust and the baggies prevented the dust from getting all over one's desk. Or like the times he had left phone messages for people to call back a Mr. Don Keyes or Mr. G. Raff and the telephone number was that of the local zoo. Or when he left messages to call Germaine Shepherd or Greta Dane, at the local dog pound. Oh yeah, Darryl was a funster alright. But his co-workers grew tired of his pranks and the stupid jokes he regaled them with daily. Jokes that were either of a racist, sexist or just plain unfunny nature. Jokes that interrupted the hard work they tried to get on with every day. This year would be different, for sure. Through clever negotiations with their long-suffering boss...a man who was fed up with Darryl's tomfoolery and his lack of actual accomplishment in his job, Darryl's days of clowning were over. Yes, they could not wait for him to get the notice this morning on his computer from the boss about his upcoming transfer. Yes, Darryl would be leaving one way or another. He could have his choice of transfer destinations where his company had branch offices: Nimrod, Minnesota; Monkey Run,Arkansas; Ding Dong,Texas;Boring,Oregon;or the new Canadian branch in Boobey Brook, NB. And as a joke to this serious memo, he was being advised that the company was putting him on the Wittiness Relocation Program. Who's laughing now, Darryl???

Etymology: mirth (laughter, merriment) & worm (a person who has a nasty or unethical character undeserving of respect or a software program capable of reproducing itself that can spread from one computer to the next over a network)

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COMMENTS:

great story for April Fool's Day - Jabberwocky, 2008-04-01: 14:42:00

A regular Darryl of Laughs! Loved the story. - arrrteest, 2008-04-01: 17:10:00

Great sentence with outstanding blend of two words from the heart and soul of English. - OZZIEBOB, 2008-04-01: 20:39:00

Cheers, mates...as usual most of my stories are based on real life...haven't we all known a Darryl or two in our time??? - Nosila, 2008-04-01: 22:24:00

Very good! Darryl is no doubt a Don Key-ote when it comes to pursuing his kind of humor.....very earthy wormy. - Mustang, 2008-04-01: 22:26:00

Things are getting a bit fishy. Might need to call in Barry Cooter of, maybe, Mirthbusters! - OZZIEBOB, 2008-04-01: 22:40:00

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Created by: purpleartichokes

Pronunciation: nill-air-ee-us

Sentence: Lauren is so nilarious that people are always forgetting to laugh at her jokes.

Etymology: nil, hilarious

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COMMENTS:

how sad - Jabberwocky, 2008-04-01: 14:38:00

Unfortunately, Lauren is not alone...good word, Purple! - Nosila, 2008-04-01: 15:05:00

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Created by: artr

Pronunciation: sil-ee-ham-er

Sentence: Reggie doesn't just tell a joke. He hits you upside the head with it. He loves it when he has a captive audience and can sillyhammer them in a lame attempt to entertain. Few, if any, find this appropriate for a Funeral Director.

Etymology: silly (absurd; ridiculous; irrational) + hammer (a tool consisting of a solid head, usually of metal, set crosswise on a handle, used for beating metals, driving nails)

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Created by: Tigger

Pronunciation: /FAHRS-feed/

Sentence: As a travelling PC Technician, Dominic often had a captive audience when he worked on people's home computers. Few people would walk away when he was working on their PC's, either because they were trying to learn or because they were afraid he'd do something to mess it up. So, while he was working, he would farcefeed them jokes. They sometimes laughed too, although it was usually a nervous kind of laugh. A lot of people didn't get his jokes, but still, a laugh was a laugh. Dominic wanted to be a standup comedian one day.

Etymology: Blend of: Farce - A ludicrous comedy; a mockery (from Old French, farcir "to stuff" as in 'a short comic sketch in between the acts of a play') + Forcefeed - to physically compel one to take food (from Latin, fortis "strong" & Old English, foda "to tend")

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COMMENTS:

I've been farcefed a few times - Jabberwocky, 2008-04-01: 14:39:00

May the farce be with you, Tigger. - Nosila, 2008-04-01: 15:03:00

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Created by: DevynAlexanderSkyeHarris

Pronunciation: So-Low-Mead-Ee-In

Sentence: Faelo loved to tell others jokes that no one seemed to get, yet never seemed to notice, though Solomedians are a one man band and audience so why would he have? the prick.

Etymology: Solo - By oneself, without others + Comedian - Teller of jokes or humors.

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Created by: Jamagra

Pronunciation: ig/nor/rant

Sentence: It was April Fool's Day and Justin, the small company's sole male employee, was making more of an "ignoranus" of himself than usual. In hysterics, he explained over and over why that "Empty Folder Virus" was so funny. Molly paid no attention to Justin's ignorrant. She did, however, wonder if the Saran-wrap covering the toilet bowl in the men's washroom would ever be traced back to her.

Etymology: ignorant + rant

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: wit les sisim

Sentence: When Leonard told his girlfriend Penny about his great empty virus folder joke, she neither understood nor appreciated his witlesscism. Her nerd alert button had gone off for the last time and so she walked out on him. He was so busy on his laptop that he did not notice for 3 or 4 hours. Then the Penny dropped...him.

Etymology: Witticism (a message whose ingenuity or verbal skill or incongruity has the power to evoke laughter) & Witless ((of especially persons) lacking sense or understanding or judgmentor humour)

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Created by: arrrteest

Pronunciation: stink-oh-fant

Sentence: Jason thought he was the funniest person on earth. He was completely oblivious to the fact that no one thought he was very funny. Most reactions ranged from low runbled groans to complete bewilderment. He was a self-serving stinkophant if I ever saw one.

Etymology: Stink (from the smell of a bad joke)+ syncophant (self serving talebearer, slanderer, from Greek -phant meaning to show)

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