Verboticism: Phongravator

'Please listen carefully as our menu has recently changed...'

DEFINITION: v. To call a phone "help line" and spend 45 minutes pushing buttons and screaming at dumb voice-recognition system, before being automatically disconnected. n. A push-button or voice-activated phone menu system designed to irritate those who use it.

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Pressbuttirritant

Created by: dochanne

Pronunciation: Press-butt-ear-it-ant

Sentence: David just wanted to talk to someone about how he felt, but no matter what he did he couldn't get through to a human and kept getting lost in the voice-menu options. Before long he was no longer suicidal but was instead homicidal. He cursed and swore - "Damned presbuttirritant!" but in the end the mental health helpline hung up on him when he pressed the two instead of the two twice.

Etymology: Press button - usually what you're told to do by a pressbuttirritant; Irritant - grrrr! Presbyterian - a conveniently named religion, used here because some religions insist their followers press your (door) buttons in the early hours on the weekends and are thus also irritating. Not necessarily the Presbyterians themselves you understand.

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Voicemenumania

Created by: abrakadeborah

Pronunciation: Vois-men-u-man-e-uh

Sentence: Ted Textired was fed up with the voicemenumania of the length of time he spent to get to one person on his telephone!

Etymology: Voice:The sound produced by the vocal organs of a vertebrate, especially a human. (or computer generated voice)A sound resembling or reminiscent of vocal utterance. Menu:A list of available options. Mania: An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire; a craze. Voicemenumania:Taken in part from voice and menu to be voicemenu as in a recorded phone prompting and added mania to show the irration of using prompts to get through on a phone call that used to be simple... What happened to,"Hello this is____ may I help you?????"

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Callnundrum

artr

Created by: artr

Pronunciation: kôlnəndrəm

Sentence: When Geoff had an issue with his computer he decided to call the customer service hotline. What started as a good idea quickly turned into a callnundrum, a virtual quagmire of button-pushing choices. Like a digital tar baby, every touch of the keypad took him deeper into the morass. Just when he was about to climb out of the entanglement by hanging up, he broke through to a live human being. Geoff's elation was immediately dashed when the service rep, who insisted his name was Charlie, seemed to have trouble understanding even the simplest question. He suspected that Charlie's company-issued Rosetta Stone CD was still in the CD tray.

Etymology: call center (an office set up to handle a large volume of telephone calls, esp. for taking orders and providing customer service) + conundrum (a question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its answer; a riddle)

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Helpwhine

artr

Created by: artr

Pronunciation: helpwīn

Sentence: Most every company has some version of a helpwhine. If you can push the right buttons, you are allowed to vent your frustrations to somebody who may or may not care what you have to say — somebody who may or may not speak discernible English. This assumes that you are ever able to find that lone human in the maze of options. ”Your Call is very important to... click”.

Etymology: help (assist) + whine (a feeble or petulant complaint)

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COMMENTS:

Dead on! - catgrin, 2010-06-21: 05:49:00

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Eternadial

Created by: rebelvin

Pronunciation: eterna-dail

Sentence: All I could reach was their eternadial, which kept me busy for nearly half an hour before I gave up before reaching a real person.

Etymology: eternal+dial

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Automaddening

Created by: Mustang

Pronunciation: ah-toh-MAD-ning

Sentence: The more Lance fiddled with the automated answering service at the hospital the more automaddening it became, with him eventually tossing his cell phone on the floor and heading out to the hospital in his car knowing it would likely be faster.

Etymology: Blend of 'automated' and 'maddening'.

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COMMENTS:

Who needs bureaucracy when you have automaddening answering services to drive you insane? - dochanne, 2009-05-20: 23:29:00

Automaddening is so much quicker than doing it manually... - Nosila, 2009-05-20: 23:34:00

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Telrettes

griffiegrrl

Created by: griffiegrrl

Pronunciation: Tell-retts

Sentence: John was experiencing Tellrettes when he was on an automated help-line the other day, and required a tranquilizer to calm him down.

Etymology: Turrets Syndrome (Spelling tweaked), Telephone

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Illedigitimate

Created by: stache

Pronunciation: ĭl'ĭ-dĭ-jĭt'ə-mĭt

Sentence: The illedigitemate "help" menu Bjorn reached when he called AT&T was all but helpful. After wearing a blister on his button finger and being irritated to the point of requiring three double gin-and-tonics he hung up and found the answer he needed in the help menu on his cell phone.

Etymology: meld of 'illegitimate' and 'digit' (finger)/'digital.'

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COMMENTS:

fun to say - Jabberwocky, 2008-04-14: 16:21:00

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhm. Three double gin-and-tonics . . . I can almost taste the lime on my stirring digit. - doseydotes, 2008-04-14: 16:35:00

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Presstwosterloop

Created by: diyan627

Pronunciation: press two ster loop

Sentence: Tina spent an hour and forty-five minutes on the most insane, frustrating presstwosterloop scam her cell phone company is putting customers through. After explaining her situation to 7 representatives, they still owed her $350 for the "promotional phone" she got 4 months ago. The presstwosterloop didn't stop her ... She finally hung up and drove down to the store where she raised a ruckus until the manager got her problem taken care of. Or so he said.

Etymology: Press two (ah, the options!) + ster (one that is associated with, participates, does) + loop (circular action)

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