Verboticisms

Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: harm ill ee ate

Sentence: Stanley felt like he was born with a large "L" for Loser on his forehead. No one could harmiliate themself the way he could. He had lost every job he had ever worked at and injured himself over and over in the process. Like the time he got 3rd degree burns working at a fast food place, bobbing for French fries. Or the time he crashed his taxi cab by backing up at great speed into the police car that had pulled him over for speeding. The impact had caused him to crack his nose open on his own steering wheel and get 2 black eyes. Or the time he was sitting on the glass of the office photocopier to copy his bare bum, when the glass shattered and splintered into his flesh. Or the time he had worked at the bowling alley and got his fingers stuck in the holes of the ball that he was demonstrating for some kids. He went flying down the alley and into the pinsetter machine. He now knew where the terms "spare tire","gutter mouth", "pins & needles" and "split lip" came from. Yes, Stanley spent so much time at the local emergency room, that the staff had bought him his own coffee mug, just so they could take turns cracking up over his incident reports. But all that was about to change. Stanley had been hired to do his dream job. No more harmiliation for him...it would be someone else's turn. Yes, Stanley had been hired as a consultant for the Workers Compensation Board!

Etymology: harm (any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc. or the act of damaging something or someone) & humiliate (cause to feel shame; hurt the pride of or embarrass)

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COMMENTS:

Yes, but will Stanley now get a paper cut on his eye, stab himself with stapler, or even smash his finger on the copy machine lid? - pieceof314, 2008-04-15: 13:17:00

Most likely given his track record...I forgot about the time he worked at the butchers and accidentally backed up into the meat grinder, which made him get a little behind in his work...Cheers! - Nosila, 2008-04-15: 20:41:00

Good one! - Mustang, 2008-04-16: 05:15:00

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Created by: Stevenson0

Pronunciation: dor/mi/dent

Sentence: Last week I went to bed perfectly normal, but sometime during the night I had a dormident and woke up with severe back pains and it took me fifteen minutes to get out of bed.

Etymology: dormant + accident (an unfortunate event in the act of doing something)- dormident (an unfortunate event in the act of doing nothing)

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Created by: arrrteest

Pronunciation: in-ad-vert-eh-dent

Sentence: You would think Roger would have been better served if he had stayed in bed this morning. Or perhaps that wouldn't have mattered either. That is because Roger was a schlemiel. It seemed as if every normal everyday thing he did, he got injured. He was so clumsy that the he didn't have to show his insurance card at the local hospital. In fact, the emergency room looked more like the bar at Cheers whenever he was rolled in for some inadvertadent, real or imagined. They couldn't wait to hear what mundane activity happened this time. Would it be his toothbrush needing to be removed from deep within his nasal cavity, like the last time he came? There was a running bet within the facility.

Etymology: inadvertent, not attentive; heedless + accident, something that happens by chance, mishap

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COMMENTS:

Haven't we all known guys like Roger...good story. - Nosila, 2008-04-15: 20:44:00

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: owch pot ay to

Sentence: Dudley Dolittle was admitted to the ER with life-threatening (in his mind)injuries. He was innocently lying on the couch, watching Law & Order Special Victims Unit at 3:00 pm, just before The Office came on in double episode at 4:00 pm. When all of a sudden the remote fell on the floor. He reached over to grab it and fell off the couch, hitting his head and temporarily knocking himself out. When he regained conciousness, he got up off the floor to go look in the mirror at any possible bruises. Unfortunately, the cat had knocked over a vase filled with flowers and water and he slipped on the hardwood floor. When the ambulance came, Dudley was in major pain. Turns out he'd wrenched his back, broke his ankle and wrist. He'd turned from a Couchpotato into an Ouchpotato. Later, when asked what caused his injury, he was able to truthfully tell people that while on an undercover assignment, he was attacked when a wild cat hit him in his sweet peas, on his way to The Office. Sadly, he was believed...

Etymology: Ouch (hurt;wound;exclamation used to express pain) & Couch Potato (an idler who spends much time on a couch (usually watching television)

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Created by: queenjane75

Pronunciation: said-en-jury

Sentence: It was a rather confusing case for the public, but in the end both suicide and murder were ruled out as the cause of the bloody scene. According to the autopsy report, it was a rare, mortal sedenjury caused by an all-too-full exploding can of beer that did Bob in. Who knew couch-surfing could be so dangerous?

Etymology: Sedentary+Injury=sedenjury

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Created by: mweinmann

Pronunciation: in - jur - eees

Sentence: Judy had a new injurease. She sprained her arm when she reached into the refrigerator to get the orange juice. It seemed that it hurt just to be alive.

Etymology: injury, ease

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COMMENTS:

Makes you want to avoid orange juice. Evil orange juice. - artr, 2009-06-01: 05:22:00

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: u til layt

Sentence: In his Victim's Statement, Mervin could only lay blame on himself for the disfiguring stapler incident. He did indeed unwittingly youtilate himself by pointing the offending sharp electric stapler towards his groin area before firing at will. Sure he couldn't have kids now, but at least he was able to keep his legs together. His fastenating career at Staples was now secure!

Etymology: You (as in yourself, no one else;second person singular) & Mutilate (destroy or injure severely;alter so as to make unrecognizable)

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COMMENTS:

Clever! - Mustang, 2009-06-02: 00:00:00

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Created by: Mustang

Pronunciation: freek-seh-dent

Sentence: Being a wholly uncoordinated and clumsy oaf, Manfred seems to suffer one freaccident after another, goofy injuries that for anyone else would be very rare.

Etymology: Blend of 'freak' (A thing or occurrence that is markedly unusual or irregular) and 'accident' (an unforeseen and unplanned mishap)

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Created by: Mustang

Pronunciation: sha-GRIN-jry

Sentence: Elwood suffered yet another chagrinjury when he got his finger caught in the whisk attachment on his mixer, jerked the mixer off the counter wherein it fell on his toes, and while dancing about in pain knocked himself senseless when his head whacked into the open cupboard door.

Etymology: Blend of 'chagrin' (a feeling of vexation, marked by disappointment or humiliation) and 'injury'

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COMMENTS:

What a klutz! Good one. - Nosila, 2009-06-01: 14:37:00

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: hak sid dent

Sentence: Although in full body cast after his mishap, Steve was lucky to be alive. He had accessed secret Defense Dept. records and his hackcident was as a result of a professional visit by some burly, zealous Marine MP's. Semper Fi!

Etymology: Hack (To gain access to (a computer file or network) illegally or without authorization) & Accident (a mishap; especially one causing injury or death)

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