Verboticisms

Created by: galwaywegian

Pronunciation: ohn komm ish yun err

Sentence: he was so obviously an oncommissioner, his nose would start to twitch even before the customer had opened the door.

Etymology: co commission, commissioner

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Created by: Osomatic

Pronunciation: Clerk.

Sentence: That damn clurk keeps popping up out of nowhere and bugging me - no, I don't need help! Let's just go.

Etymology: clerk & lurk

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COMMENTS:

Sounds really creepy. Clurk Kent has the hightest, fastest, strongest sales record of all. - petaj, 2007-05-16: 23:12:00

I like it - surfstang, 2007-05-18: 00:48:00

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Created by: toadstool57

Pronunciation: com-mission-ary

Sentence: David is a blood thirsty commissionary, attacking any unsuspecting customer that might stroll into his section at the electonics store. His tactics are ruthless, just to make the "sale" and get the commission.

Etymology: commission/missionary, as in propagator of religion or a relentless soldier

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COMMENTS:

I wonder if he always assumes the commissionary position - Jabberwocky, 2007-05-16: 12:29:00

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Created by: CharlieB

Pronunciation: shop-res-er

Sentence: Kevin was so excited about the prospect of someone buying one of his hand made silk shirts, that he unfortunately morphed from laid back salesman to fidgety shopressor.

Etymology: shop (to buy merchandise) + oppressor (someone who puts pressure on others)

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Created by: whipspeak

Pronunciation: geh-stah-poh

Sentence: The dealership was crawling with Guestopo and I had to get out of there before I was spotted. They have ways of making you buy.

Etymology: Gestapo: the German state secret police during the Nazi regime + Guest: visitor or patron + stop: to interrupt, arrest, or check

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Created by: Discoveria

Pronunciation: imm-PED-lur

Sentence: The impeddler was so obnoxious that I stormed out of the shop, accidentally breaking some cheap plastic products on my way out.

Etymology: impede (to obstruct or hinder) + peddler (a travelling seller of goods)

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Created by: duchessella

Pronunciation: STOCK-kee-per

Sentence: Diminished self-awareness, no sense of humiliation and unfaltering persistence are the most important virtues in a successful stalkeeper.

Etymology: Stalker + Shopkeeper. Because I ALWAYS feel really disturbed by stalkeepers, like they're obtrusing my personal space, stalking me inside a shop, following me everywhere (in the 40 sq. ft. shop) and trying to press me to buy everything I don't need. Argh

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Created by: mrskellyscl

Pronunciation: sales-jerk

Sentence: The salesjerk at the car dealership turned the big "Sellabration" into "sellabrasion" when he kept trying to sell me a gargantuan gas guzzler that was painted green that he wanted to get rid of, even after I told him I wanted a "green car" to help the environment.

Etymology: wordplay on salesclerk -- jerk: foolish, rude or contemptible person

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COMMENTS:

Like sellabrasion too! - artr, 2009-12-01: 07:05:00

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Created by: cohenarie

Pronunciation:

Sentence: The obnoxiously obsequious sellcubus cleaved to me the moment I entered the store, offering a pitch on each item I browsed.

Etymology: sell + succubus (or incubus)

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Created by: Stevenson0

Pronunciation: floor/stalk/er

Sentence: Commissioned salespeople are licensed floorstalkers who creep me out of the store.

Etymology: floorwalker + stalker

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COMMENTS:

We have a winner! - Clayton, 2007-05-16: 14:57:00

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: kon flog rayt

Sentence: You just knew that Harvey was on commission to earn his celery the minute you walked into the produce shop where he worked. He was berry aggressive, in fact, he had bean known to conflograte the goods so forcefully, that he beet people into submission. Harvey had no pear, but had grape expectations when it came to selling. He could squash the competition's prices. People often felt so burnt by his transactions that they were chard. Harvey felt no guilt about his aggressive behaviour and continued, kumquat may.

Etymology: Conflagrate (cause to start burning) & Con (a swindle in which you cheat at gambling or persuade a person to buy worthless property;deprive of by deceit) & Flog (to promote aggressively; to force into action;to sell by whatever means)

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Created by: ohwtepph

Pronunciation: em - NOI - ee

Sentence: Though Gilbert is a real good friend of mine, I have to admit that he was being a total emnnoyee when he kept asking me if I was going to get that jacket or not. I've said "Maybe" a thousand times and I swear he said "Are you taking that jacket?" a million more times. I could have sworn he was just being an ass just because that jacket I was trying on was the jacket he stashandcarried a month ago and worked hard for in that shop. Now, that makes me think. He wasn't being an ass by being a totally sucky emnnoyee... it was me who was the ass! I feel like I'm getting to know Gilbert and his emnnoyeeness more with this rational sentence construction.

Etymology: employee (someone who works for) + annoy (to disturb or bother in an irritating way)

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COMMENTS:

A totally annoying sentence! Good job! - purpleartichokes, 2007-05-16: 12:04:00

Or ENNOYEE would also work. Darn, it's just one of those late ideas! - ohwtepph, 2007-05-16: 21:24:00

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Created by: purpleartichokes

Pronunciation: sailz-ah-sass-in

Sentence: Bob was only in the store for two minutes when he was accosted by a salesassassin who tried to coax him into buying that smart pink sweater that was all the rage on verbotomy.com.

Etymology: sales associate, assassin

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COMMENTS:

That saleassassin ought to get the customerswervist of the month award. - petaj, 2007-05-16: 05:09:00

That salesassassin sounds like a real courtesyjerk. - Clayton, 2007-05-16: 14:54:00

I love the huge number of "S"s - think "The Salesassassin sells seashells on the shore"... - duchessella, 2007-05-17: 03:27:00

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Created by: Jabberwocky

Pronunciation: ped/lur/push/urs

Sentence: Our local video store is full of peddlerpushers who sneak up behind you when you're deep in thought and then shadow you relentlessly as you peruse the movie selection

Etymology: peddler + pusher + pedal pushers

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COMMENTS:

funny AND fashionable! - galwaywegian, 2007-05-16: 06:06:00

how did you see that so fast - you must work in our video store - Jabberwocky, 2007-05-16: 06:09:00

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Created by: daisy

Pronunciation: ree-tail-i-ton

Sentence: The retailiton followed us around the circle K as if we were going to steal something.

Etymology:

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Created by: galwaywegian

Pronunciation: ass ayls mahn

Sentence: the assailsman had no job convincing sheepish sheila it was a baahrgain

Etymology: salesman assail

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Created by: katytee

Pronunciation:

Sentence: Tired of being trailed round the store by counterassistants, Ed resolved from that moment to do all his shopping online in his underwear and eating pizza , free to scratch himself and 'look a bit too scruffy for Jenners' to his heart's content.

Etymology: Someone offering counter-productive assistance (Counter + assistance, with a nod in the direction of persistent)

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COMMENTS:

It rolls from the tongue lightly... - Scattercat, 2007-05-20: 19:34:00

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Created by: Paulefinch

Pronunciation: sails-doosh'

Sentence: I was going to buy a few new cds, but the salesdouche just made me want to leave.

Etymology: salesman+douchebag

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Created by: BemaSelf

Pronunciation: Push-r-man

Sentence: I can't stand that store. The pusherman always makes me rush to buy something.

Etymology: Pusher, Man

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: pra da tor ee

Sentence: Susie always hated shopping in those high-end designer fashion shops. She loved the goods (but not their ridiculous price tags) and absolutely hated the sales staff who were obviously competing with each other for the commissions. She found them to be pradatory, diorbolical and too hugobossy.

Etymology: Prada (an Italian fashion label specializing in luxury goods for men and women (ready-to-wear, leather accessories, shoes, luggage and hats), founded in 1913 by Mario Prada) & Predatory (living by or given to victimizing others for personal gain)

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Created by: ziggy41

Pronunciation: Shawp-kreep-err

Sentence: That shopcreeper was pushing me way too much. I grabbed that stupid block of cheese he was trying to sell me and shoved it right in his mouth. He now sells basketballs because he knows no one can stuff those in his mouth... I proved him wrong.

Etymology: Shopkeeper (owner of a shop that sells goods) + creep (an annoying and detestable person)

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COMMENTS:

I already gave my vote to peddlarpusher, but this is even better. - cohenarie, 2007-05-16: 10:51:00

Nice one. - Clayton, 2007-05-16: 14:55:00

great ...awesome - pguse, 2007-06-01: 14:00:00

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Created by: texmom

Pronunciation: sam-pull-ass-alt

Sentence: She left the store rather than be subjected to samplassault again.

Etymology: sample - small portion of item assault - attempt to force a person

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Created by: porsche

Pronunciation: sails/man/akl

Sentence: He was such a salesmanacle that I had to spin around in the revolving doors twice to get free

Etymology: salesman + manacle

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Created by: wordguy120

Pronunciation: O-ver-sul

Sentence: the people in that shop were real oversals

Etymology:

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Created by: artr

Pronunciation: kləjərk

Sentence: Jody did a quick lap around the store to find the few items she needed trailed by the worst clejerk she had ever encountered. His ”May I help you?” came across more as an accusation than an offer of help. With a quick ”No, thank you” to keep him at bay, she grabbed what she needed and headed back to the front of the store only to be accosted in the checklout line. ”Are you sure that’s your size?”

Etymology: clerk (an assistant who sells goods in a retail store) + jerk (a contemptibly obnoxious person)

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Created by: artr

Pronunciation: sīrəˈnād

Sentence: Melody is a wonderful salesperson. Even her detractors have to admit she is hard to resist. Once she starts her sirenade, the sale is all but final. The first verse usually starts with **How may I help You Today?** The final chorus... **Come see us again**. Her song can be soothing, flirting, or annoying but always unrelenting. Anyone who wanders too close buys something. A customer once tried to return an ugly green sweater and returned home with two sweaters, one blue and one yellow. **Blue and yellow make green** made sense when Melody said it.

Etymology: siren (Greek Mythology each of a number of women or winged creatures whose singing lured unwary sailors onto rocks) + serenade (a piece of music sung or played in the open air, typically by a man at night under the window of his lover)

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Created by: serendipity9000

Pronunciation: SALES-grey-ter

Sentence: I was all excited to look at the latest styles they got in last week - but then their salesgrater started following me around and I had to get out of there.

Etymology: Sales (as in salesperson) + Grate (to annoy or rub the wrong way.. also a play on the standard 'sales-greeter' label for sales people charged with greeting every customer')

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Created by: Stevenson0

Pronunciation: floor/stalk/er

Sentence: Commissioned salespeople are licensed floorstalkers who creep me out of the store.

Etymology: floorwalker + stalker

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Created by: yaknowmay

Pronunciation: rack-whore

Sentence: the rack whore in MACYS, did everything but drop to her knees, trying to get that sales commision

Etymology:

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Created by: zrotv

Pronunciation: mĭs'chən-thrōp

Sentence: bobby did want to offend the customers. But whenever he saw people casually perusing he was filled with a mischanthropic urge to demonstrate his favorite products. Mischanthropy was the only sales tactic he was capable of, blathering and rambling a high pressure sales at every opportunity. Sometimes he would try to avoid customers who looked as though they did not need assistance, but he could rarely contain his urge to wave strawberries in their faces. He was a true mischanthrope.

Etymology: mis (bad) + merchant (latin: mercari "to trade") + thrope (Latin: anthropos "man." as in misanthrope)

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Created by: galwaywegian

Pronunciation: kumm ish yon errr eeee

Sentence: He tread the sales floor with commissionary zeal, emptying it within minutes

Etymology: commission, missionary

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COMMENTS:

cute - Nosila, 2009-12-01: 11:04:00

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Created by: surfstang

Pronunciation: shop/er/stalk/er

Sentence: I wasn't able to browse peacefully because the shopperstalker decided I was his next victim.

Etymology: shopper + stalker

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Created by: jonobo

Pronunciation: "push" like in push + "inator" like in terminator.

Sentence: At first sight i thought he would just be an average standard legal pusher, then i had to realise that he was at least one of those new powerpusher models, but when i tried to leave the shop he showed his real potential and i finally came to the only rational conclusion left: he was the Pushinator.

Etymology: Pusher + Terminator = Pushinator.

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Created by: remistram

Pronunciation: ann-tee-shawp-pest

Sentence: If Rudy saw any antishoppests around he would hide in the changeroom until the coast was clear.

Etymology: anti-shop-pest

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Created by: iwasatripwire

Pronunciation: flee-mar-ket

Sentence: The clerks in that boutique always turn it into such a fleemarket

Etymology: flee + flea market

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COMMENTS:

I like this one - guess that makes them fleemarketers - petaj, 2007-05-16: 23:10:00

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Created by: heartnsoul

Pronunciation: ip/i/cac/lurk

Sentence: I thought I had made it through the perfume department undetected, but when I turned down the next aisle, there stood a grinning ipecaclerk with her finger on the trigger of a perfume bottle!

Etymology: ipecac (from Syrup of Ipecac) + clerk (the kind who tends to also lurk)

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COMMENTS:

Aaah! Run! - heartnsoul, 2007-05-16: 19:43:00

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Created by: petaj

Pronunciation: shopper-block-it

Sentence: I was mad keen to cash in my coupon for the low-rise, stretch, stonewash, studded, stovepipe legged jeans at half-price, but when I reached the store I cowered in the doorway before the salesresistant. There was Ursula, a shopperblockit par excellence with her stentorian voice and sergeant-major mannerisms bearing down on me.

Etymology: shopper docket (sales promotions printed on the back of receipts) + block (obstruct/hinder)

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Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: o ver selz us

Sentence: The guy was everywhere. We were grocery shopping, in the produce aisle, when this geeky associate thrusts a box of strawberries at us and says, "Try these, they're berry nice!" We demer, but he's back 2 minutes later with green onions, saying, "Repeat after me, I'm the Italian Scallion!" He then shows us a potato ("Don't his eyes have a peel?") and a husk of corn ("Meet the kernel, he's all ears.") Finally, "Orange you as glad as I yam that you decided to turnip in my department?" and finally, "It's bean great to "C" you, you're hard to beet!" "Do you wanna date?"... At that point, I snapped and said, "Lettuce see what your Store Manager has to say about your oversellsus behavior!" To which the Store Manager replied, "Don't worry about Romaine, cos he's just trying to get a head. When he's not taking a leek here, he goes to comedy school as a caper. He wants to earn a higher celery and get a plum job. I just can't squash his dreams!"

Etymology: Overzealous (marked by excessive enthusiasm for and intense devotion to a cause or idea) & Over (too much) & Sells Us (persuade somebody to accept something; do business; offer for sale as for one's livelihood;deliver to an enemy by treachery)

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COMMENTS:

overclever! - mweinmann, 2009-12-01: 07:50:00

nice - galwaywegian, 2009-12-01: 09:48:00

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Created by: galwaywegian

Pronunciation: all hoel say lor

Sentence: He suggested to the asswholesaler that he park his car of the week somewhere it was anatomically impossible to so do.

Etymology: asshole wholesaler

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COMMENTS:

:) - Nosila, 2011-04-20: 21:34:00

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Created by: kensiesfate

Pronunciation: Anti-sales-a-lot

Sentence: look over at antisalesalot, he's pushed another out the door!

Etymology:

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Created by: Mustang

Pronunciation: vul-tsur-OH-so

Sentence: When new customers would come into the showroom Ronald would become a smooth operting vulturoso and would pounce on the prospect with high pressure tactics and almost always succeeded in getting a sale.

Etymology: Blend of the words 'vulture' (n. 2. A person of a rapacious, predatory, or profiteering nature) and 'virtuoso' (n. 1. a person who has special knowledge or skill in a field)

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Created by: mweinmann

Pronunciation: merch - hunt - izer

Sentence: Stanley was a Sears merchuntiser. Once he saw a potential customer, he tailed them throughout the store waving his arms and talking about the benefits and low cost of every item the customer walked past. Sometimes people bought things just to get rid of him.

Etymology: merchandiser, hunter

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Created by: ErWenn

Pronunciation: /əˈfɛnˈsɛlɚ/

Sentence: Sadly, for every person who is pushed out of the store by an offenseller, there are two more who are convinced to buy something that they wouldn't have otherwise.

Etymology: From offensive + seller

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COMMENTS:

I voted already, but I like this one. An offenseller seems like an instoramus. - Clayton, 2007-05-16: 19:55:00

Thanks. I seem to get that a lot if I decide to go to bed before 1 or 2am and end up making up my words the next morning. - ErWenn, 2007-05-16: 22:38:00

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Created by: Guthlaf1

Pronunciation: komm-ISS-tant

Sentence: I hadn't been in the shop ten seconds before the young commistant started making my day miserable.

Etymology: From: commission + (sales) assistant

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Created by: lpietroforte

Pronunciation:

Sentence:

Etymology:

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Created by: mplsbohemian

Pronunciation: cluh-JURK

Sentence: Alex dropped his job as soon as he discovered he was required to be a clejerk, squirting cologne at people.

Etymology: Someone who begins coming off like a clerk and ends up being more a jerk.

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Created by: Clayton

Pronunciation: huh-RAS-hat

Sentence: As she made her way to the front of the bookstore, Gilda was cornered by resident harasshat Caleb, who wasted at least five minutes of her day calmly reassuring her that he'd been reading Baudrillard.

Etymology: harass + asshat

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COMMENTS:

love it love it love it - iwasatripwire, 2007-05-16: 12:37:00

I really need to start using this one, because I seem to run into a few each day. - Clayton, 2007-05-16: 14:49:00

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Created by: artr

Pronunciation: oh-ver-lawd

Sentence: According to the clerk at the grocery everything in the store is simply wonderful. He seems able to overlaud just about anything he touches. Strangely, I only see him shopping at the up-grade store up the street.

Etymology: overload (to load to excess; overburden) laud (to praise; extol)

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Created by: karenanne

Pronunciation: SALES rep tile

Sentence: The slimy salesreptile stalked me like a crocodile who has realized that a delicious juicy fawn is drinking at the edge of the water. I felt him coming before I actually saw him. Then, like the crocodile, only his eyes appeared over the clothes racks. Like the fawn, I skittered away as he approached, pretending to take an important call which I could only hear by leaving the store.

Etymology: sales rep + reptile

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COMMENTS:

Good story...his prices were probably too deer anyway! - Nosila, 2009-12-01: 20:07:00

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Created by: DaddiezGyrl

Pronunciation:

Sentence: The commisher bombarded me as I entered the store.

Etymology: Combo of commission and pusher

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Created by: Rhyme79

Pronunciation: keen-deen

Sentence: OMG, he was such a keendean that I legged it out the shop as soon as he turned his back. Keendeans are such a pain in the arse. They make me uncomfortable.

Etymology: Keen - eager, enthusiastic Dean - male name

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Created by: guesser

Pronunciation: shad-O-mizer

Sentence: Our Local Car Dealership is know to only hire shadohmizers.

Etymology:

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Created by: Scattercat

Pronunciation: sehr-VILL-en

Sentence: I've never been so annoyed in my life! That servillain has ruined that store for me forever.

Etymology: Servile means behaving in a fawning, obsequious manner. A villain is one who performs evil acts. Driving away potential customers through misguided devotion to the sanctity of the store seems an adequate summary of those two traits combined.

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