Verboticism: Menuisance

'Please listen carefully as our menu has recently changed...'

DEFINITION: v. To call a phone "help line" and spend 45 minutes pushing buttons and screaming at dumb voice-recognition system, before being automatically disconnected. n. A push-button or voice-activated phone menu system designed to irritate those who use it.

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Menuisance

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Dialdrone

Created by: bookowl

Pronunciation: dial/drone

Sentence: He kept trying to disconnect from the menu but instead of getting a dial tone he got a dialdrone.

Etymology: dial tone + drone

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COMMENTS:

Been there, done that. Good word. - Mustang, 2008-04-15: 03:36:00

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Agendizzement

Created by: Jabberwocky

Pronunciation: a/jen/deez/mant

Sentence: The agendizzement was so convoluted and confusing that he soon developed a case of mennui and gave up ordering pizza.

Etymology: agenda + dizzy + aggrandizement (cause to appear greater than is the case)

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Telrettes

Created by: griffiegrrl

Pronunciation: Tell-retts

Sentence: John was experiencing Tellrettes when he was on an automated help-line the other day, and required a tranquilizer to calm him down.

Etymology: Turrets Syndrome (Spelling tweaked), Telephone

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Oblivicurse

Created by: pieceof314

Pronunciation: uh-bliv-eh-kers

Sentence: Jonesy had a secret life. Under the happy facade or bubbliness and congeniality, she was really a curmudgeon and a misanthrope. She was a call center operator script engineer. She was responsible for the impossible recursive loop design that would often frustrate callers. With each possible combination, she would oblivicurse the respondant with a multitude of irrelavent, ambiguous and time consuming questions that would often lead the person back to the beginning. With this, she would sit down and smile darkly.

Etymology: Oblivion + Curse

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COMMENTS:

Like that one, pieceof314...I just knew those IT types belonged to convens and every company has them! - Nosila, 2008-04-14: 19:43:00

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Voicerail

Created by: Nosila

Pronunciation: voyse rayl

Sentence: The worst offenders are the ones supposedly out there helping you. Places like government agencies, city services, big corporations,banks... virtually any company with more than 2 people working in it. Roy was like many frustrated people. His anger and fury were incensed even further by having to go through a voicemail system. Or as he called it, a voicerail system. The more menu options he had to go through, the more irate he became. He'd waste an hour tip-toeing through all these numbers only to have to contact "0" to speak to a live human, because none of these options concerned his query. Just as he was about to shoot his phone with his Smith & Wesson, he was told the correct transit number to take and when it would depart...sometimes it's quicker just to stand at the stop and wait an hour!

Etymology: Voice Mail (a computerized interactive system for storing, processing and reproducing verbal messages left through a conventional telephone network) & Rail (spread negative information about;criticize severely;complain bitterly;rebel against)

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Autohated

artr

Created by: artr

Pronunciation: aw-tuh-heyt-ed

Sentence: After receiving hundreds of complaints about uneven treatment by customer-service reps - helpful and cordial one day, rude and uncaring the next - company executives decided that the only way to be fair and treat the entire public the same was to install an autohated voice mail system that would frustrate and hang up on everyone equally. They seem happy that the call volume has dropped dramatically.

Etymology: automated (to operate or control with a minimum of human interaction)+ hated (the object of extreme aversion or hostility)

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Screamcouragment

Created by: bdraffen0002

Pronunciation: /skrēmˈkərijmənt/

Sentence: I was foaming at the mouth; their menu was absolute screamcouragement.

Etymology: From the words Scream: Middle English: origin uncertain; perhaps from Middle Dutch. And Encouragement: Middle English (formerly also as incourage ): from French encourager, from en- ‘in’ + corage ‘courage.’

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Callnundrum

artr

Created by: artr

Pronunciation: kôlnəndrəm

Sentence: When Geoff had an issue with his computer he decided to call the customer service hotline. What started as a good idea quickly turned into a callnundrum, a virtual quagmire of button-pushing choices. Like a digital tar baby, every touch of the keypad took him deeper into the morass. Just when he was about to climb out of the entanglement by hanging up, he broke through to a live human being. Geoff's elation was immediately dashed when the service rep, who insisted his name was Charlie, seemed to have trouble understanding even the simplest question. He suspected that Charlie's company-issued Rosetta Stone CD was still in the CD tray.

Etymology: call center (an office set up to handle a large volume of telephone calls, esp. for taking orders and providing customer service) + conundrum (a question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its answer; a riddle)

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Helline

mrskellyscl

Created by: mrskellyscl

Pronunciation: hel-line

Sentence: James became homicidal after waiting 45 minutes on the helline because he was suicidal. The smarmy sound of the robovoice telling him how important his call was and the 16 measure monophonic drone of Vivaldi finally drove him over the edge causing him to put an end to his suffering by putting a bullet through his earpiece.

Etymology: hell+line: wordplay on helpline

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COMMENTS:

LOL good one Mrskellyscl !!! :) - abrakadeborah, 2009-05-20: 02:57:00

VERY good! - Mustang, 2009-05-20: 06:51:00

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